I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
