just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
