Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
