no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
