i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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