I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
