i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
