went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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