The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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