So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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