dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
