who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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