watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
