I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
