woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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