Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
