party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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