It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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