Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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