Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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