I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
