so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
