Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
