She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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