Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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