Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
