new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
