I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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