I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
