and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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