Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
