I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
