today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
