remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
