Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
