We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize