The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
