I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
