She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
