I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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