woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
