I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
