Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
