i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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