matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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