He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
