Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
