he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
