Someone shit on the floor
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize