A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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