I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sarcasm needs its own font
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
