K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
