It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
