she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
