I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
