Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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