i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize