Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
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When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
do nipples grow back?
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