i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
