your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
