Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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