It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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