peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
