if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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