I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
soo... how was my night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
