guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize