He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
