I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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