I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
