He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
